Motivation

The cursor is blinking at me currently, as I seriously have zero motivation—ironic, considering I'm writing a post on zero motivation while having none myself. The internal argument that’s going on right now, as there are often many conversations in my head, like whether or not I will dig deep and find the magic motivation somewhere. The idea that motivation is Tinkerbell pixie dust being sprinkled out precisely—“and you get some motivation, and you get some motivation.” (Eyes roll.) Please, if only. As a mental health therapist, I don’t get to look at a client and say, “Yeah, um, I had zero motivation to be here today.” Seriously, there are times when even we therapists wish we could stay in bed and be still.

Nope. No rest for the weary. Up and moving we are. I should insert a plug for Sia’s Move Your Body here. Let me tell you, that girl gets me up and out of bed when I don’t want to. Which is more often than not nowadays. Frankly, I’ve been at a point in my life—let’s be honest, I am at a point—where I feel like saying, “Check, please. I’m done.” You’d find me under my covers napping with one of my two dinosaur-behaving dogs, mentally giving up on the day, the week, or the whole month.

Depression is one of the most disabling circumstances a person can experience. It takes even the most positive, hopeful individual and renders them utterly immobilized. The fight is real. And no one is immune. Being one of the most determined people I know, I’ve somehow still become an honorary napping queen. Sad to say it out loud, but the truth has a way of surfacing. There’s not always a witty, catchy comeback to that. Sometimes the remedy is: "fake it till you make it." And most people who meet me would never guess that I’m struggling behind the scenes.

Add to that the unique chaos of my life—I’m a single mother raising two daughters. One is chronically ill, facing a mountain of medical complexities that would break most adults, and the other is 17 and learning to drive (send help). I’m juggling being their mother, nurse, counselor, chauffeur, punching bag, and cheerleader, while also trying to show up for my clients as a therapist. Oh, and I’m also trying to start a business, create extra income, and somehow remember to drink water. Let me tell you, burnout isn’t just a buzzword—it’s a lifestyle I’m actively trying to escape from.

Jeremy had a saying: “Positive things happen to Positive People.” It’s the very line engraved on his memorial. Jay was one of those rare people who found something good in nearly every moment. He embodied strength and stability—until cancer came. Even in the early days, when his prognosis was grim, he still greeted it with fire, determined to kick the crap out of it. But after one setback, and then another, that light in him started to fade. Watching someone you love turn into a shadow of themselves is a kind of grief you carry forever. And as a therapist, a wife, and the "Go-To Fixer"—I couldn’t fix it. All I could do was sit with him and love him through it. Sometimes, that is all that is required.

We all have things in our lives that zap our energy and drive. Let me be the first to say that. But it’s what we do with it that defines us. Like Jeremy used to say, “We can take a situation, no matter how bad, and find a way above it—or it will own our backside” (profanity lovingly edited here).

There will always be people who have it easier and people who have it far worse. What you do with your circumstance—that’s what matters. Jeremy used to say, “You either let it define you, or you rise above. The choice is yours.” And sometimes, when you have nothing left, you channel Nike and Just Do It. As my daughter says, “Stop fussing and find a way to beat it.”

Still, there are days when even "just doing it" feels like trying to move a mountain with a spoon. Sometimes the greatest win is just getting out of bed, brushing your teeth, sending that one email, making lunch instead of surviving on caffeine. Motivation isn’t always glitter and fireworks. Sometimes it’s a sigh. Sometimes it’s tears. Sometimes it’s just inertia turning into motion, one stubborn inch at a time.

If you’re sitting in your car or on the bathroom floor or staring blankly at your phone, wondering how to keep going—same. Me too. You’re not lazy. You’re not weak. You’re tired. And the fact that you’re still here, still showing up in any capacity, means something.

Jeremy’s last letter still speaks to me: Find some inspiration somewhere and pin it up. I don’t care what it is—a family member with disabilities, a quote from someone famous, or even a dog-eared Post-it on your mirror. Dig deep. Don’t overthink. Just do. It gets easier, or at least more doable, the more you keep moving. If inspiration doesn’t show up, turn on Led Zeppelin’s Ramble On and keep going anyway.

Out of everyone who needs to hear this today—trust me—I do too.

And if all else fails? Cue Led Zeppelin. Hug a dinosaur-dog. Sip some coffee (or Mountain Dew...'Cause who likes that black stuff). Cry if you need to. Then fake it, move it, feel it, push through it. Because somewhere along the way, that fake motivation starts to feel real. And that’s when things begin to change.